


Heart Full of Rain

by RockSaltAndRoll, Shortsighted_Owl



Series: Teenage Kylux [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: First Kiss, Force Bond (Star Wars), M/M, New Relationship, Rain, Teen Romance, Teenagers, Time Skips, Universe Alteration, re-established relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-10 02:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6933916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockSaltAndRoll/pseuds/RockSaltAndRoll, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shortsighted_Owl/pseuds/Shortsighted_Owl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux met Kylo when they were fifteen - the First Order's finest cadet and Supreme Leader Snoke's choice to lead his Knights of Ren. Thrown together, made to challenge each other and constantly outdo one another, their relationship started as antagonistic but as they learned about each other it grew to respect, and then to love. </p><p>Until Kylo left. Disobeying Snoke's order to kill the fledgling Jedi, Kylo went back to his family and left Hux alone to follow his path to the top.</p><p>Fifteen years later and the First Order is on it's knees; it's finest former cadet, General Hux now a prisoner of the resistance. Held captive and awaiting trial, Hux is reunited with Kylo...only the Kylo he knew is now Ben; a Jedi strong in the Force and Hux's principle jailer. </p><p>Feelings still linger from long ago as Ben tries to turn Hux to the light; and memories flood every moment they spend together.</p><p>Sometimes the path to the top is even lonelier, knowing you originally weren't meant to be alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart Full of Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Before we start, we just want to thank the organisers of the Kylux Big Bang, and also to our artist, Faroinke, for choosing our prompt and being so excited about drawing for it - it's the most perfect companion to the story and we are honoured.

_His ribs hurt in that deep, throbbing way that betrayed a fractured bone or two; no doubt induced by the large brute of a boy he was fighting – the one who looked more like a Hutt than a human and packed a good, solid punch. To an outsider, fifteen year old Cadet Hux looked like an easy target but his peers knew better. Hux was tall, but not prone to putting on muscle despite the First Order’s high protein diet and rigorous training regime; however, what he lacked in bulk he made up for in sheer ruthlessness. Cadet Hux played dirty and used his opponents’ abilities against them, which is why he always won. He had earned his place as the Academy’s star cadet and wasn’t about to let anybody forget how or why he was at the top._

_Ducking low, Hux feinted with his left and almost smiled when the mountain of a boy fell for it. Hux spun on his back foot and struck out with his elbow, cracking the boy across the temple. The boy swayed slightly and blinked – his reaction time was not fast enough to avoid the sharp, bony knee that hurtled upwards as Hux pushed down on the back of the boy’s head; knee making contact with a flabby jaw with a resounding crack that echoed throughout the training hall. The larger boy collapsed to the floor, boneless._

_“Cadet Hux!”_

_Green eyes lifted to the observation platform where a man stood – a Commandant; green-eyed with auburn hair and beard; powerfully built and in an immaculate uniform. Hux’s heels immediately clicked together as he saluted._

_“Sir!”_

_“Get cleaned up. The Supreme Leader requests your presence in five minutes.”_

_“Yes, sir,” the cadet replied._

_Casting a glance at his peer on the ground, Hux sneered and spun on his heel; leaving his fellow cadets to gawp at the body that may have been unconscious or dead. Hux honestly didn’t care._

_He was used to cleaning up in a hurry – brushing his sweat-soaked hair back from his face; washing his bloodied hands and dabbing at his split lip. The bruises on his face were only a testament to how hard he fought and Hux was proud of the shiny purple mark appearing on his left cheekbone. Ignoring the immense pain in his ribs, Hux swiftly changed into his uniform. It was meticulously clean and precision-pressed as always – it would never do for any part of his uniform to be any less than perfect._

_Taking off at a run and pushing through his pain, Hux was at the Commandant’s office door with seconds to spare. He pulled up short at what he found inside._

_As always, Supreme Leader Snoke was not there in person. Instead, a shimmering blue holo sat before the wide desk and beside it was the oddest looking boy Hux had ever seen in his life._

_“Here he is,” the Commandant said softly; gesturing to Hux in the doorway. “The star of my Academy – Cadet Hux.”_

_The man said Hux’s name with a hint of pride which made the young cadet draw himself up taller; head held high as he stepped forward and saluted, smartly. He could feel the black eyes of the being behind the blue holo watching him closely; looking over the red hair and the sharp features that were currently cut and bruised and swollen; over the narrow shoulders that his cadet uniform did nothing to broaden. Hux knew what the Supreme Leader was thinking – everybody underestimated him, but Hux was well aware that he was the best._

_“I see...” murmured the Supreme Leader. “Step closer, Cadet Hux. I wish for you to meet your new partner – Kylo Ren.”_

_Obediently, Hux stepped forward until he was level with the other boy in the office._

_“The Supreme Leader has chosen Kylo Ren to lead his Knights,” the Commandant explained; his voice carrying a slight hint of distain. “Recruited from Luke Skywalker’s new Jedi temple.”_

_Gracefully, Hux’s eyebrows arched as he looked over the boy in front of him._

_They were about the same age, but whereas Hux was completely in proportion, Kylo Ren looked like he’d been constructed from mismatched products by a blind man. He was tall – only slightly taller than Hux – but his feet and hands were huge; large ears seemed to be stuck onto the side of his long, thin head and looked larger for the close-cropped sides of his hair and the ridiculous braid that fell over his shoulder. The boy’s eyes looked like they belonged to a doll and his mouth was too wide; lips too plump and too red. Kylo Ren looked like a caricature._

_“Partner, sir?” Hux asked, calmly._

_Cadets didn’t have partners – this was not a life where one was challenged to work well with others. They worked alone; worked for themselves and for their own benefit. Hux would have thrown everyone else out of the airlock in a heartbeat if it would have helped him get where he needed to be._

_“Kylo Ren is unfamiliar with the Order and its practices,” replied the Supreme Leader, his voice dripping with indulgence. “Alongside his training with me, I wish for him to learn what we are about; how we operate and survive. This will be your task, Cadet Hux.”_

_Immediately, Hux hated it. His cold green eyes flickered to the Commandant, who looked as impressed with the idea as Hux did. Orders were orders though and above all, Cadet Hux was a soldier and soldiers obeyed. If he did his duty; if he did all that was requested of him and to the best of his ability, then the Supreme Leader would remember. Hux would get his due in time._

_The boy known as Kylo Ren looked at him with dark, mournful eyes and Hux wanted nothing more than to punch him. He had no idea what the Supreme Leader’s intentions were for this outsider but Hux didn’t believe the boy had what it took to be part of the Order. The child standing before him looked lost and petulant – Hux could tell he’d never suffered a day of hard work or pain in his entire life._

_The thought brought him back to the crushing ache in his own ribs and Hux bit the inside of his cheek as he clicked his heels together again._

_“As the Supreme Leader commands.”_

 

****

 

** Present Day **

 

Hux awoke with a jolt – the heavy, throbbing ache of cracked ribs still resonating even though the dream was fading away. How strange, he thought, to have dreamed of him; to have dreamed of Kylo Ren. Hux had pushed the boy from his mind years ago to preserve his own sanity – he couldn’t understand why he would dream of him...of their first meeting...now, of all times.

It was only as he tried to puzzle it together that Hux realised that the pain in his ribs was not fading. It wasn’t residual from his dream – this pain was real. His eyes flew open as he sat and looked around. He wasn’t in his quarters. He wasn’t even in space. Hux had lived in the vastness of space for the best part of his thirty years of life – he knew all too well the unfamiliar stillness of solid ground beneath him; the way it made his stomach turn and his head spin. Hux was not on his ship – he was on a planet.

Fighting down the panic that rose like bile in his throat, Hux took a deep breath and tried to remember.

He had been on the Finalizer – the First Order fleet’s flagship; at the helm...

They had come out of the sun; or at least from behind the sun – the New Republic’s Resistance fleet. Taking the Finalizer by surprise, they had shredded the hull with a coordinated ambush attack before Hux even knew what had happened. He’d ordered an evacuation; tried to get as many of his people off the burning, crumbling ship as he could before a large metal beam had fallen on him from above. Hux should have died on that ship. There was no reason as to why he’d be alive; why he’d be on a planet...unless he had been captured by General Organa’s forces.

Steadily, Hux swung his legs over the side of the cot and lowered his feet to the floor. His boots were gone, as was his uniform. Instead, he was dressed simply in a cotton shirt and trousers; his feet, bare. Hux cared nothing about it; nor did he care for the cracked ribs and the burn in his lungs from smoke inhalation. He had to get off this planet and make his way back to the fleet; to the First Order.

He cast a glance around the room and was immediately heartened that it wasn’t a cell. As far as Hux could tell, he was in a normal room except it had been stripped. The cot he sat on had no legs or posts and there were no beams or exposed girders from which he could try and hang himself with sheets. There was no mirror, neither in the bedroom nor in its adjoining bathroom. Everything else had been bolted down or removed and instead of a window, there was a holo screen depicting the night sky.

Wincing at the pain in his side, Hux slipped out of bed and quickly made his way to the door. It was locked; the control panel on the inside was fused. Sliding to the floor and using the wall as support, Hux sat on the cold metal and carefully tested the panels surrounding the door, looking for the hollow space that housed the control wires – he found it in moments and used his fingers to prise it open. After that, it was just a matter of finding the right wires and the right tools.

A swift kick fractured the thin plastic panel of the box-cot he’d been lying on, allowing Hux to break off a chunk to use as a knife. He was no stranger to re-wiring doors – it was something he’d done quite a lot in his youth...sneaking out of his own quarters at night in order to be with another...

Hux assumed that if he was a prisoner, then his room would be guarded. As soon as the door opened, he had to be ready to disarm however many guards there were, and fast. It had been years since Hux had bloodied his own hands but he remembered it well; remembered exactly what he had to do.

Armed with his sharp panel shard, Hux cut through the correct wire and the door opened with a soft sound. Fast as lightning, Hux darted though and immediately disabled his first guard with a strike to the back of their neck with the side of his open hand – they never even saw it coming. The second guard was knocked to their feet by a kick to the knees; Hux pinning them down with his weight as he knocked them out with a well-aimed strike to the temple. His ribs screaming in pain, Hux looked around but there were no more guards.

He was below ground – he could tell that much. The air was heavy and close; a breeze whispering through the vents above his head. Hux knew he couldn’t take the corridors – he had no idea where he was or how many forces were about; he didn’t know if they were armed or well trained, and if he came face to face with any armed personnel down here, he didn’t stand a chance. Hux took the vents, following the cooling breeze and the gentle incline; edging along in the cramped space and thanking whatever forces at work in the Galaxy that had blessed him with narrow shoulders.

Hux heard it before he saw it – the rain. The sound of water droplets hitting and bouncing off of metal travelled through the vents, causing soft vibrations beneath his fingers as he crawled forwards. Hux smelled damp earth and the heady scent of pine, and he was hit with nostalgia like a punch in the gut. Kicking open the vent, Hux crawled out and into the rainstorm.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt rain, or heard it, or smelled it. The vents had left him dusty with a thin layer of grime, but the heavy rain soaked him to the bone; seeping through his clothes and washing away the dirt from his skin. The air was warm but the rain was cold; biting and refreshing; causing the hairs on Hux’s skin to rise and cause goose flesh; his body shivering at the contrast between the water and the air.

It stirred up more than dust and dirt – memories rising to the surface after lying long dormant as Hux stood in the torrential downpour. He forgot everything but the rain; face upturned; eyes lightly closed; hair and clothes plastered to his skin. A soft click and a high-pitched whir of a charged blaster sounded close to his ear and Hux was brought back to the present with a crash. Opening his eyes, he found that he was surrounded by heavily armed Resistance fighters; each one with their blaster pointed directly at Hux’s head.

He’d stayed too long; lost in sensation and the memory of past rains. Now it was too late.

“You always did love the rain. It had a terrible habit of making you crazy, though.”

Hux’s heart lurched into his chest at the sound of the voice – so familiar yet not; like an echo, or a distant memory of a voice he once knew. The blockade of resistance fighters parted and Hux felt dizzy as a man walked towards him. He was broader than the last time Hux had seen him, and had grown into those big feet and hands; his hair now long and covering his ears; dressed like a Jedi with a lightsaber hanging from his belt. The eyes were the same though – huge and dark and soulful; unable to hide the kindness that lay right in his core.

“Hello Hux,” the man murmured softly.

Hux’s heart thudded in his chest; the sound of his own blood pumping fast around his body almost drowning out everything but the sound of the rain. He understood now how he got to this planet; why he’d dreamed of that first meeting. It was this man that had found him and pulled him from the burning Finalizer; who had brought him here. Hux had never expected to see him again, yet here he was.

“Kylo Ren,” Hux replied. “I should have known it would be you.”

 

****

 

** 15 Years Ago **

 

Kylo hated the scrubby little planet more than he’d hated anything ever in his life.

He had spent so long in space that it had been disorientating – the persistent nausea caused by the ship beneath his feet moving through space constantly. He didn’t know how they could all stand it. Kylo longed for solid earth; somewhere to plant his feet and make the sickness stop – he’d just hoped for somewhere better than his.

Kylo’s imagining of the First Order had been different to its reality. In his mind they had been a strong Military force, determined to restore the order of the former Empire; their fleet, a force to be reckoned with. While all this was true, Kylo had failed to realise how isolated the Order were; how far away from civilisation they all were; floating in the vastness of space with no home to call their own; chased from every system in the Galaxy. They’d had to survive and find their own way, which also meant finding a permanent base on the outer rim where they could rebuild.

He’d been so excited when the Commandant had announced the cadets’ R&R on the planet. Unfortunately, Kylo’s expectations had been skewed by former experience. He was spoilt – his mother had taken him on diplomatic missions to every kind of planet imaginable when he was a child, from planets like Naboo with its soft, sandy beaches and meadows full of wild flowers; to planets made of clear, crystal ice and planets of rainforest; planets like Coruscant where the entire surface was a city of tall buildings and busy traffic bustled between them.

But this planet...Kylo thought it was more like a moon. The air was heavy and humid, and made Kylo sweat under his robes. Beneath his feet, the ground was a thin layer of cloying grey mud and brown stones; all the plant life nothing more than prickly shrubbery with leathery leaves and no green anywhere to be found. He couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose in pure disgust.

All around him, Cadets were losing their minds and Kylo found he couldn’t blame them; bursting into yells and shrieks as they stepped out of the shuttles. Except, after a moment, Kylo realised with dismay that the Cadets were not yelling in horror at the disgusting rock they had set upon – they were shrieking with joy. His eyes fell on the back of the cadet in front of him – tall, slim, and wiry; uniform, pristine and red hair slicked neatly back. Hux was just standing there, glancing around him. Kylo could just imagine the look on his face; long nose, wrinkled in distaste at the mud and the scrubby trees and the thick, hot air. They had not exactly become best friends over the period of time they’d spent together but they had quickly learned that they had similar tastes and likes and dislikes. They would at least be united in their hatred of this disgusting moon.

“Hux!” he called; picking through the mud to catch up and doing his best to ignore the continued celebrations of the other Academy boneheads.

The redhead turned and Kylo stopped dead in his tracks.

Hux mostly wore an expression like he’d smelled something offensive; except when he was fighting and then his mouth curled into a vicious snarl. The only smile Kylo had ever seen on the redhead’s face was one of cruel triumph when one of his peers failed miserably, including Kylo. Hux turned, and Kylo felt like the breath had been knocked from his lungs because the cadet didn’t look at all like the one he’d been looking at for all this time.

Gone was the wrinkled nose and the thin line of his mouth; the minute furrow of his brow. Hux looked...overjoyed...overwhelmed as his green eyes stared at Kylo excitedly.

“Isn’t it incredible?”

Kylo blinked as Hux laughed and looked about him in wonder. Kylo was baffled – there was nothing at all special about this horrible, scruffy little rock. Why was everyone acting like it was the most astounding thing?

The answer, when it came to him, hit Kylo Ren like a freighter.

They were all the same age as him – every single one of them. While Kylo had been born on the winning side of a war, safe in the luxury of having Galaxy-wide heroes as parents and every planet open to him; the children of the old Empire sympathisers and supporters had been run off their home worlds; hounded to the edges of the Galaxy. They had been born in space; spent their lives growing up on star ships and battle cruisers; denied entry to every civilised system. It was entirely likely, Kylo thought, that this was the first planet they’d ever set foot on.

His heart broke for them – not just for Hux, but for every cadet that was currently leaping about and screaming; hugging each other, uncharacteristically out of joy. They didn’t know any different; that there were better planets out there; that they were excited over the ugliest lump of rock in all creation.

“Come on,” Hux said suddenly; catching Kylo’s sleeve as he turned. “Let’s explore!”

“Explore what?” Kylo replied in confusion.

As far as he could see, there was nothing but the same grey mud and brown trees in all directions. A glance up at the sky revealed heavy sepia-toned clouds that made Kylo feel very uncomfortable.

“Everything,” Hux shouted back at him; already breaking for the rocky hill in front of them.

Kylo wasn’t overly fond of Hux, but he was even less fond of the other cadets. They were all cruel and ruthless, but at least Hux was his ally against them all. Between staying where he was, surrounded by them and following Hux, Kylo would choose Hux every time. With one more doubtful look at the sky, he reluctantly squelched through the grey mud after the redhead.

“I’m not sure this is such a good idea,” he muttered.

Hux laughed at him; breathlessly.

“Why not? Are you afraid?”

Kylo bristled.

“No,” he growled. “It’s just hot...and those clouds look fit to burst.”

“Good,” Hux shouted back, gleefully. “I’ve never seen rain before!”

Twenty minutes later and Kylo would have been happy to never see rain again in his whole life. As he’d expected, the sickeningly brown clouds had burst and a warm, gritty rain was now falling from the sky in a torrential downpour; the water soaking through their clothes in moments and covering the fabric in mud.

Hux was laughing like a man gone mad – arms outstretched and face upturned; shaking water from his face and hair as it saturated him.

“Are you insane?” Kylo shouted over the deafening roar or the rain. “We need to find some shelter!”

Hux only continued to laugh; his green eyes, wild. Kylo grasped Hux’s arms firmly and pulled.

“Where are we going?” yelled the redhead.

“There’s some kind of cave system over there,” Kylo shouted back, gesturing with his free hand to a rocky outcrop a few meters away. “We can stay there till the rain passes.”

“What if it doesn’t pass?”

Kylo shook water out of his eyes and continued to drag Hux towards the caves, ignoring the question as they squelched through the grey mud that grew thicker and slipperier with each passing second. He almost sprinted the last few steps to the mouth of the first cave, using all his strength to throw Hux inside. Hux hit the cave wall with a yell as Kylo bounded in after him, almost colliding with the cadet as his hands hit the rough stone on either side of Hux’s head.

They stared at each other, breathing heavily and dripping wet; gritty water running down their skin in rivers, making Kylo feel sticky and uncomfortable. Hux’s hair was plastered to his head; no longer its usual soft strawberry-blond, but almost black from dirt and the weight of the water. Those green eyes that were usually so cold and calculating were now burning like an emerald fire; exhilarated and wild. Kylo couldn’t tear his eyes away from the boy in front of him; his face, so close and so different to what he was used to.

“You’re crazy,” Kylo whispered.

Hux’s eyes searched his face; a smile playing at the edges of his mouth.

“I must be,” Hux breathed in reply. “Especially if I’m considering this...”

“Considering wha...”

Kylo never got the chance to finish as Hux’s fists bunched up in the heavy, sodden fabric of his robes, pulling him in the final few inches so that their lips touched.

He didn’t know what was louder – the hammering of the rain against the stone or the sound of his heart beating hard against his ribcage. Kylo Ren had never been kissed before...at least not like this. His previous experience of kisses had been innocent – his mother’s lips grazing his forehead as she tucked him into bed; having his cheeks pinched and kissed by friends of his parents or dignitaries; little girls and boys’ innocent pecks during games when he was small. None of them were like this kiss – wild and desperately inexperienced; sending Kylo’s pulse racing and his body aching for more of Hux’s soft mouth pressed against his.

That’s all it was – Hux’s lips pressed against his; their mouths closed and lasting only a few seconds. Yet when they drew back they were both as breathless and flush-faced as though they’d run a marathon. Hux’s eyes were darker than they had been before; black pupils almost swallowing the green of his irises. Kylo was surprised to find that he was trembling, and not from cold.

“I must be crazy,” Hux whispered; his fingers still bunched up in the front of Kylo’s robes.

“Yes...” Kylo replied.

He still hadn’t moved; his hands still flat on the cool stone beside Hux’s head; his body still flush against the cadet’s. There was barely an inch in height between them – just enough to force Hux to look up into Kylo’s eyes.

“I must be crazy,” Hux repeated, “because I want to do that again.”

Kylo could barely breathe; his eyes fluttering closed as he leaned in and ran the tip of his nose up the side of Hux’s face. His heart stuttered in his chest as Hux’s breath caught in his throat.

“I think it must be the rain,” Kylo murmured.

“It must be...”

Opening his eyes again, Kylo found himself staring into dark pools of green as Hux pulled him back in; lips parting as they kissed again. It was slower this time; softer; exploratory; Kylo’s hands leaving their place of the cave wall to wind themselves into Hux’s sodden, gritty hair as Hux dragged him even closer by the front of his robes. Kissing wasn’t a thing that Kylo had thought much about in his life – he’d been too focussed on other things, and he certainly had not ever thought he’d want to share his first kiss with the First Order’s most ruthless cadet.

He’d never wanted Hux before this moment, but now it was as though he couldn’t stop; like it was him and Hux, alone on this planet with no expectations of how they were supposed to be or what they were supposed to do; like there was nothing but Hux’s mouth on his and Kylo’s heart keeping time with the hammering of the rain. He didn’t want it to end. As long as it rained, they would be together in this cave and reality was a long way away. They wouldn’t have to face it for a while.

 

****

 

** Present Day **

 

Rain continued to hammer hard against the ground; the tinny ring of heavy water droplets hitting the metal roofs of the hangars that surrounded them. Ben Solo sat on the muddied ground, not caring a bit that his robes were getting dirty. His eyes were focused solely on the redhead sitting next to him; clothes and hair plastered to his skin and his knees drawn up to his chest. Hux was older than the last time Ben had seen him but he had retained all of his grace and poise. Even sodden and a prisoner, Hux carried himself like a man who was meant to rule.

 

 [(Art by Faroinke on Tumblr)](http://www.faroinke.tumblr.com)

The guards had been reluctant to back off; to leave the valuable prisoner alone with the son of the formidable General Organa; but Ben had assured them he could handle himself – he was, after all, a fully fledged Jedi these days. Besides, it wasn’t like Hux could get anywhere even if he did run. They had both changed so much in fifteen years – Ben now following the path of a Grey Jedi and Hux; once a skinny, cruel rat of a cadet, now a fully grown man; a General with the skills and intelligence to match Leia Organa. Or at least he had been until now.

“Kylo Ren...” Hux murmured softly, as though trying the name on his tongue after fifteen years of never speaking it at all.

Ben Solo ducked his head slightly. Once he had gone by that name; all those years ago when Snoke had seduced him over to the First Order. It was a name he had relinquished the moment his family had welcomed him back with open arms.

“It’s Ben now,” he quietly replied.

“I see,” Hux murmured. “Of course it is. Ben Solo...”

The redhead frowned; his smooth forehead furrowing gently and pulling his eyebrows close together. Ben bit his lip as he watched Hux, silently; aware of the tension between them. It was awkward – their relationship had ended abruptly; there had been no closure; so many things left unsaid.

“Why did you do it?” Hux asked him; turning his face suddenly.

Ben frowned.

“Do what? Leave?”

Hux shook his head.

“Why did you save me?” he clarified. “I should have died on the Finalizer; should have gone down with my ship. I was ready to do that, but you...”

Hux trailed off and shook his head again, as though he couldn’t possibly fathom the reason why Ben would save him.

Ben had felt him – felt the fringe of Hux’s mind; of the bond they had once shared. Except now, after all these years, Hux’s mind had a barrier around it; something that blocked Ben out and prevented him from calling to Hux; warning him. The Resistance hadn’t known which ship they would happen upon as they had launched their attack – all they had known was that a First Order ship had strayed close to their base and they had to eradicate the threat; to destroy it before the First Order destroyed them.

Ben had watched in horror from his own ship as the X-Wings had torn up the hull on the side of the Finalizer; debris and bodies venting into the vast blackness of space as the side of the ship exploded outwards and crumpled.

“I couldn’t let you burn,” Ben replied quietly; his eyes searching Hux’s bruised face. “I knew you were there – I felt you...and I couldn’t let you burn.”

“So instead of letting me die there, you brought me back to die here?”

Ben flinched as Hux’s cold green eyes burned into him.

“You’re not going to die here.”

Strawberry blond eyebrows arched gracefully upwards.

“Really?” Hux replied in a soft voice. “Are you telling me that the New Republic is not, right at this moment, setting up a war tribunal for me?”

Ben’s cheeks coloured and he looked away, down at his feet. Beside him in the rain, Hux almost smiled.

“They call it democracy but every person in this Galaxy knows that if they put me on trial, I’ll be found guilty of whatever crimes they want to paint on me and I’ll be summarily executed. They might as well just skip the trial and go straight to the judgement.”

“You don’t know that!” Ben whispered fiercely.

Hux shot him a sympathetic look.

“Yes I do. You didn’t save me, Ben. As honourable as your intentions were, you didn’t save my life – you only robbed me of my right to choose the way I went out.”

Ben’s heart wrenched guiltily. Hux was right – Ben had felt his presence on the Finalizer as it had gone up in flames and he hadn’t had the strength to let him go. By pulling Hux out, Ben had condemned him to imprisonment and execution; a death with much less dignity than going down with the Finalizer. It had all been because Ben loved him; after all these years and despite all of Hux’s crimes, Ben still loved him; too much to let him go a second time.

“Why did you leave me, all those years ago?” asked Hux after a moment.

“I didn’t leave you,” Ben murmured quietly; still looking at his feet. “I left the First Order.”

“I was with the First Order,” replied Hux. “You didn’t say a word. You told me you’d come back and you never did...”

“I couldn’t come back because I didn’t do what Snoke asked of me,” Ben said, firmly; finally looking up at meeting Hux’s eyes. “When he sent me back, he sent me to destroy the new Jedi order – to kill all the younglings and my uncle; to eradicate the Jedi threat. Except, I couldn’t do it. I stood over a little girl as she slept; my lightsaber poised to run her through the heart...and I couldn’t kill her. I couldn’t kill any of them.”

Beside him, Hux laughed softly; the corners of his eyes crinkling gently as they always had done when he let out a genuine laugh.

“Of course not...”

Ben looked at Hux – red hair plastered to his head and darkened by the rain; thin cotton shirt soaked through. He had fallen in love with that cold, calculating boy – that day in the grey caves of that scrubby little planet at the far reaches of the galaxy, with that dirty rain hammering off the stone and cascading off the cave mouth. They had belonged to each other that day and grown to love each other desperately; fighting against every force that threatened to separate them; finding each other in every available moment; unwilling to let the other go.

But Ben hadn’t been able to bring himself to murder innocent children just so he could get back to his lover. They day he left the First Order was the day he tore out his heart, but a little piece of it remained with Hux; kept them connected somehow. Now they were here again, sitting side by side in the rain like all those years had never passed; like they were still the two teenage boys they used to be, hiding their relationship from Commandant Hux and Supreme Leader Snoke and the cadets.

“I never stopped loving you,” Ben murmured; his voice almost inaudible over the hammering of the rain on the ground around them.

Hux turned his green eyes on Ben; searching his face with a small frown etched onto his brow.

“No matter what happened; no matter what either of us did...I never stopped loving you. There was never anybody else.”

“There was never anybody else for me either,” Hux replied quietly. “When you left, I thought I would die from my heart breaking. For the only time I could ever remember I cried – cried until I had nothing left and passed out from sheer exhaustion; and when I woke up the next day I was surprised to find that I was still alive. I hardened my heart that day; I promised myself that I would never let another person close enough to hurt me that way ever again. I thought I’d forgotten you, but the truth was I just locked all my feelings for you away.”

Ben bit his lip; his heart aching. He knew what Hux was; knew what the man had done and the deaths he was responsible for, but his heart didn’t care. Ben knew that Hux loved him; that Hux had always loved him and that parting from Ben had almost destroyed him just as much as it had destroyed Ben. Despite everything they had become, they still belonged to each other and Ben couldn’t lose that again.

Sighing, he glanced behind him at the armed guards who were still standing with their blasters aimed at Hux. His body was going numb from the cold rain; goosebumps rising on his skin. Beside him, Ben realised that Hux was shivering as heavy water droplets dripped from the end of his long nose and pointed chin.

“Come on,” Ben murmured, getting to his feet as the guards tightened their grip on the blasters. “Let’s get you inside where it’s dry.”

“Back to prison?”

Hux looked at him questioningly as Ben hauled him to his feet and waved off the guards.

“Back to a warm shower,” Ben corrected. “And a bed...with me in it.”

Hux’s eyebrows shot upwards as his eyes drew level with Ben’s.

“Are you allowed to do that?” he asked.

Ben grinned at him.

“I can do anything I want,” he replied. “I’m Ben Solo.”

 

****

 

** Fifteen Years Ago **

 

Cadet Hux couldn’t sleep.

It had been a day of firsts – he had set foot on his first planet, or at least the first planet he remembered. Hux had been nothing more than a newborn baby when his family had left Arkanis and he remembered none of it. He only imagined that it must have been very green, as it rained torrentially for three days out of the week and was at least drizzling for the remainder of the time. Hux had never seen real rain until that day – it had been incredible to feel the water falling from the sky and onto his face; soaking through the fabric of his pristine uniform and onto his skin. Hux had felt elated; giddy; carefree. He could only imagine it was the temporary madness of this experience that had led him to his other first.

As he lay on his cot in his own quarters with blankets tangled around his legs, young Hux tried to wrap his head around what could have possibly led him to kiss Kylo Ren. It had almost been a year since Hux had been called to the Commandant’s office and come face to face with the tall, lanky mess of a human being that was doomed to become his companion for the indefinite future.

Kylo Ren had been sullen and awkward; walking and standing hunched over, as though he was trying to mask his height; legs and arms too long and head too big for his slight frame. Hux had hated him on sight and the year hadn’t really progressed much better. Kissing him on that planet had been so out of the blue that Hux’s head was reeling from trying to make sense of it all.

Closing his eyes, he tried to think back to that moment in the cave when his back hit the wall and Kylo’s hands landed on either side of Hux’s head. He had felt Kylo’s body heat through those wet robes and his own soaked uniform; those large, soulful eyes looking almost black in the dim light; lips, pink and soft and plump. Hux had felt a surge of something that he could only describe as affection for the boy and a desire to feel those lips against his. What he couldn’t figure out was why.

They didn’t like each other – they never had. Two boys with completely different personality types and backgrounds; suddenly thrown together and ordered to do everything with one another. They had been made to train together; to compete against each other in the simulations and tests; sneering and sniping at one another when they lost and goading when they won. It was exactly how the Commandant and Supreme Leader wanted it.

Except...the more Hux thought about it, the more memories popped to the surface that contradicted this. Hux remembered spending hours in the Holo Gardens under simulated sunlight running through textbook revision with Kylo; how the young Knight of Ren sat patiently and listened to him, asking sensible questions and refraining from frustration when he couldn’t immediately grasp a concept. Hux remembered how nice Kylo’s mouth was when it wasn’t twisted into a sneer.

Hux remembered the time when he was surprised and assaulted by a gang of cadets after dinner. Being the Commandant’s son, Hux was no stranger to this kind of assault – every once in a while there emerged a group who sought to usurp him and his status as the best cadet in the academy. It had happened ever since he was twelve and Hux always won his battles even if he had to suffer a few broken bones. He had sulked as Kylo Ren dabbed at the cut over Hux’s right eye and examined the blue-purple bruises that were developing on the cadet’s ribs. Kylo had argued with him that day; had told Hux that he would go teach the other cadets a lesson and Hux had been furious with him; insisting that all Kylo would succeed in doing was prove Hux couldn’t fight his own battles.

It hadn’t been much longer after that incident that Hux had found himself cleaning up Kylo’s wounds when that stupid, rudimentary lightsaber of his blew up in his hands; embedding carbon fiber shards into his palms and burning the skin all the way up to his wrists as the unstable, cracked Kyber crystal exploded. Hux had been so angry with Kylo as he had soaked the young Knight’s hands in a healing tonic and lectured him on proper precautions when dealing with dangerous materials. Thinking back, Hux remembered the panic he had felt as he’d found Kylo standing there; blood pouring from his hands and angry red-white burn marks peppering his skin.

The more he thought about it, the more Hux realised that kissing Kylo hadn’t been at all as sudden as he’d first thought; that something had been building between them all this time; that he’d cared about that lanky, chaotic mess of a human being all along. Hux had just been unable to see it until now because of the antagonistic and competitive nature of their relationship.

Hux kicked off his blankets and padded to the bathroom; turning on the cold tap and splashing his heated skin; soaking a flannel and pressing the cold compress to the back of his neck. Slowly, he raised his eyes to meet his reflection in the mirror: pale skin flushed pink; red hair a mess where he’d gone to bed with it wet and proceeded to toss and turn.

Kissing Kylo had been exhilarating – neither of them sure of what they were doing; both just chasing what had felt good. Hux’s hands had been buried in the longer tresses of Kylo’s damp hair; squeezing water droplets from the ends as he grabbed large clumps in an attempt to pull the young Knight closer. Kylo’s hands had felt large and warm on Hux’s body; finding a way beneath the sodden fabric of the cadet’s uniform; the heat from his palms searing through Hux’s thin shirt and onto his skin. He didn’t know how many hours they had spent pressed against each other as they kissed; pace changing occasionally from rushed and messy, to slow and unhurried; tasting the other’s mouth and languishing in the softness of lips; the gentle brush of tongues; the sharp tug of teeth.

The madness ended when the rain stopped; Hux pulling Kylo back in for just one more kiss before they made their way back to the shuttles; eyes averted. They hadn’t looked or spoken to each other since; making their way back to their separate quarters to shower and change; taking their meals apart. The adrenaline rush had ebbed and they were back to reality where they had to work against each other; had to compete.

Hux stared at his own reflection and blinked as he felt a tug on his consciousness. It was weak; tentative; unskilled, but definite; deliberate. He had felt it before – this brush against the fringes of his mind as though something was begging for entry but didn’t know the right way to ask. Hux had felt it with Kylo Ren, usually after an argument. Hux had largely ignored it; brushed it off and the gentle tug at his mind had retreated, but now he concentrated on it; reached out to it; feeling a familiar but fragile presence. Kylo was reaching out to him.

He moved as if in a dream; following the tentative tug on his mind from his own quarters and down the hall; coming to a halt in front of Kylo Ren’s personal quarters. Most of the cadets slept in a dormitory but because of their superior status, both Hux and Ren had the luxury of their own personal space; little more than a box with a cot, a bookshelf, an alcove that sufficed as a closet, and a tiny bathroom. The door slid open as if by magic to reveal a room that was identical to Hux’s except for the clothing strewn about the floor and a long, dark-haired boy sitting up in his cot; blankets pooled about his legs; brown eyes watching Hux with a mixture of interest and anxiety.

“What are you doing here?” Kylo asked; his voice sharp and defensive.

Hux frowned as he stepped over the threshold; the door sliding shut with a soft noise behind him. For an instant, he was worried that he’d been mistaken.

“You called to me,” he replied; more of a question than a statement.

Kylo Ren’s dark eyes widened with surprise and he sat up straighter in his cot; blankets falling to the floor as he got to his knees; watching Hux closely.

“You mean...that actually worked?”

“Well, I’m here aren’t I?” Hux replied with a hint of impatience.

Now that they were in the same room, Hux could feel the press on his mind a little stronger than before; still tentative; not fully formed – just a brush of consciousness against his own, except now it was _more_.

Kylo Ren’s face registered excitement, but it gave way seconds later to confusion.

“Why you?” he asked, softly. “I’ve tried it with so many people but you’re the only person who it’s worked with. Is it...is it because of what happened today?”

Hux straightened his shoulders as he looked at the young Knight kneeling on the cot before him.

“No,” Hux admitted. “I’ve felt it before – once or twice...but I didn’t understand what it was and I ignored it. I didn’t know it was you.”

The corner of Kylo’s mouth twitched upwards in the hint of a smile.

“So it _has_ worked before,” he murmured. “I never realised that I’d made a connection...”

“How do you do it?” Hux interrupted him; stepping forward, eagerly. “What’s the trick?”

Kylo’s brow furrowed into a definite scowl.

“It’s not a trick,” he said; indignantly. “It’s the Force.”

Hux tutted immediately. The Force – of course it was the mysterious Force; the magic that Ren kept jabbering about as an explanation to almost everything that Hux couldn’t do for himself. It wasn’t as though Hux didn’t believe in it – he’d seen Kylo Ren move objects through telekinesis and cause sharp jabs of pain to particularly irritating cadets; but for something that was meant to govern everything in creation, Hux’s experience with it had been drastically underwhelming. This...whatever it was...seemed to be much more interesting and useful.  It was disappointing to think it was a skill that only people like Kylo Ren could utilize.

Irritated, Hux sat on the floor in the corner of the room; knees drawn up to his chest and his arms circling them. He was already beginning to regret leaving his room without more than his underwear on; the cold from the polished floor immediately seeping into his skin.

“So, how does it work?” Hux asked.

“I don’t know,” replied Kylo; quietly.

Hux rolled his eyes.

“Well, that’s incredibly helpful Ren. Thank you for that.”

Kylo scowled at him.

“If you’re going to be like that, you can just leave.”

“No!” Hux replied with an edge of panic as he felt the link between them start to retreat.

The young Knight blinked at him once, and the tentative brush against Hux’s consciousness stabilised; this time, tinged with a slight flash of triumph. Hux scowled; annoyed at himself.

“When I said ‘I don’t know’, I meant that I don’t know specifics,” Kylo continued. “I know that I need to reach out with my mind – to feel the Force and immerse myself in it. Then I need to follow it to the person I wish to connect with. From there, I’m supposed to be able to communicate. I just don’t know why it works with you and it hasn’t worked with anybody else.”

“Maybe it has, but they didn’t realise what it was?” Hux suggested.

After all, it had taken several attempts for Hux to become aware that the brush against his mind wasn’t just a wayward thought, but Kylo trying to establish a link through the Force. The young Knight blinked again.

“It’s possible,” he replied; softly. “But I know for sure that it works with you. Is it...something you maybe want to explore?”

Ren said the last part hesitantly and Hux understood why. Before this day their relationship had been nothing more than an uneasy coexistence and now suddenly it had leapt forward and they were both in entirely unfamiliar territory. Hux still didn’t know what they were to each other, but he did know that they had the chance to possess something none of the others did – a secret link to the mind of another; a way to communicate without speaking. That alone was worth persisting.

“Alright,” Hux replied; his voice, collected.

Kylo smiled marginally at him.

“Do you want to maybe get off the floor first?” he suggested. “This might work a little better if you were warm.”

“I’m not cold,” replied Hux, stubbornly; even though it was taking all of his will not to shiver at the goosebumps rising across his bare skin.

From the cot, Kylo Ren smirked.

“Yes you are,” he murmured. “I can feel it seeping into your legs – your ass is practically numb, isn’t it?”

Hux’s lip curled in displeasure but he unfolded his legs and gracefully got to his feet anyway.

“Bloody know-it-all,” Hux muttered as he took three swift steps towards the cot and climbed onto it; the hard mattress barely giving way to his bony knees.

Leaning over the side, Kylo scooped up his blankets and threw one around Hux’s shaking shoulders; enveloping the cadet in warm, scratchy wool before wrapping himself up in another and looking up. They were sitting close – too close for comfort, really; noses almost touching; green eyes staring into brown. Hux’s irritation dissipated immediately as he felt the heat from Kylo’s body against his own; bare chest radiating warmth that seeped into Hux’s skin and flooded his system. He could feel his heart begin to race and his breathing grow shallow as his eyes roamed Kylo’s face – those huge, dark, doe eyes; that long nose; those wide, plump, soft lips. Hux wanted to feel them against his own again. All it would take was for him to lean forward a single inch...

“How do we do this?” he whispered; closing his eyes in an attempt to block out Kylo’s face that looked so appealing at this distance.

He heard Kylo’s breath; long as shuddering as he shifted back slightly; large fingers searching for Hux’s within the folds of their blankets. They were warm as they wrapped around his hands and held them gently.

“I dunno,” Kylo admitted; his voice just as soft. “I guess...just think of something and try to push it into my mind? I’ll do the same.”

“Like what?” Hux asked. “An image? A word?”

“How about my name?” he replied. “Short and simple to begin with.”

Hux nodded and took a deep breath as he gripped Kylo’s hands. He could feel the presence still at the edge of his mind; still only a tentative brush except that he now felt Kylo’s imprint on it; insistent and impatient. Hux tried to clear everything else from his mind except the Knight’s name; taking it and pressing it outwards towards Kylo’s consciousness. He could feel it now – the barrier that separated their minds; not visible in anyway and not like a wall that blocked the way. It was more like a veil; like a thin, gossamer curtain that allowed him to see only the outline of what was beyond. He needed to pull the curtain aside in order to see what was beyond.

It could have been minutes or it may have been hours later that he heard it – his name in Kylo’s voice, echoing through the corridors of his mind. Hux couldn’t resist the smile the tugged on the corners of his mouth.

“I hear you,” he murmured.

“I hear you too.”

Kylo gently squeezed Hux’s hands and let out a soft huff of laughter.

After that, Hux could feel Kylo’s presence in his mind much stronger. It wasn’t aggressive; Kylo wasn’t forcing his way in – they had just pulled back the gossamer curtain and everything was suddenly clearer. Everything came in flashes – images; words; emotions; nothing lasting more than a couple of seconds but Hux saw glimpses of worlds he’d never believed could exist. He saw a beach of fine, platinum sand and clear blue water; he saw two simultaneous sunsets on a dry, arid planet and felt the heat from the coarse sand beneath his feet; he saw a planet covered in lush, green jungle and gasped at the humid air that he sucked into his lungs. They were all memories – all of Kylo’s memories of places he’d visited; of planets that Hux could only dream of seeing with his own eyes.

Other memories and feelings bled over in their exchange. Between the images of fine sand and beautiful white buildings, Hux saw his face for a fraction of a second; the reverse image of his own memory – the Holo Gardens under the simulated sunlight; the flash of gold in his hair as he moved his head; the curve of his mouth as he formed words. He felt that strong tug of affection; the slight quickening of a heartbeat as he felt his own hands gently rubbing ointment into the burned skin of Kylo Ren’s hands; the realisation that the young cadet wasn’t quite the person Kylo had initially thought him to be.

He knew his own memories and thoughts on the young Knight bled through – once one had slipped through it was like there was no stopping them; images and emotions interspersed with childhood memories and feelings; all flowing fast and messy and unpractised from one consciousness to the other. Hux was overwhelmed but didn’t ever want to stop.

It was exhausting, this exchange of memories; and yet, the most intimate experience of Hux’s entire life. In the time they had spent developing and strengthening the link between them, Hux had felt like he’d lived through Kylo’s memories, even if they had only lasted seconds. He could still feel the comforting warmth of the fine, platinum sand on his back as he slumped forward into Kylo’s arms; his cheek resting on the young Knight’s bare shoulder as Kylo leaned heavily on Hux in return.

“I can still feel you...” Kylo whispered after a couple of minutes.

Hux startled; sure that he must have passed out from the mental exhaustion for a few seconds. He stilled and then he could feel it – they were still linked. Although they were no longer passing information, he could still feel Kylo in his mind; no longer insistent or pushing, but more like thin smoke curling and swirling around; present but not requiring any effort to maintain.

“I still feel _you_...” Hux replied.

He shifted in Kylo’s arms, realising that his legs had gone numb from kneeling and his back was beginning to ache from the awkward angle he had slumped into. Without either of them saying a word, Kylo and Hux slid gently from their places on the cot and down onto the mattress, facing each other. Hux pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders, still in awe at this new gift they now possessed. Gently, he reached out and traced a thin line with his fingertip down the centre of Kylo’s bare chest; feeling the juvenile swell of definition that lay under his smooth skin.

“Where were they?” he asked.

Kylo didn’t need him to be more specific – he knew exactly what Hux meant.

“The beach was on my grandmother’s home world of Naboo,” Kylo murmured. “It’s beautiful there – the water is so clear that you can see all the way down to the bottom of the lake and see the fish that swim in it. The climate is always temperate and there are meadows that stretch for miles, covered in wildflowers.”

Hux smiled, shuffling his body closer to Kylo’s so he could bask in the heat radiating from him.

“And the planet with two sunsets?”

“Tattooine,” replied Kylo, his voice holding a hint of distaste. “It’s nowhere near as nice as Naboo – too hot and hostile. My grandfather was born there...”

“I see,” Hux whispered. “I’m going to see them. All of those planets – I’m going to visit them...and you will be with me.”

Kylo laughed softly.

“Is that right?”

“Yes,” Hux replied, seriously. “I want you to show me the fine sand beaches and the twin sunsets...”

Kylo shifted next to him; one large hand sliding underneath Hux’s chin and tilting it up so that Hux was staring directly into Kylo’s soft brown eyes.

“I will,” he murmured.

Hux kissed him then – slow and soft and unhurried; his fingers caressing Kylo’s jaw before sliding into silk-soft, thick black hair; Kylo’s arms encircling his waist; hands resting at the base of Hux’s spine and pulling him closer. It seemed so natural now; not sudden and awkward like it had been before. It was though an eternity had passed in those few small hours and they now knew each other better than anyone ever had; knew what they wanted from one another; what they could achieve together.

Hux could rule the Galaxy one day, and Kylo Ren would be by his side when it happened.

 

****

 

** Present Day **

 

Ben had grown increasingly irritated at the armed guards that accompanied them both back to Hux’s prison room. He knew they were only doing their jobs; following General Organa’s orders, but Ben knew they weren’t needed – Hux wasn’t going anywhere and Ben was a Jedi Master now, more than capable of dealing with one man. Hux leaned heavily on Ben when he walked, holding the fractured ribs that he’d likely worsened by crawling through the air ducts. Ben could only guess at Hux’s pain – he had been blocked from Hux’s mind almost fifteen years ago; probably right around the time Hux received the news that Kylo Ren had betrayed the First Order and would never be coming back.

He remembered the moment like it was yesterday. Ben had been surrounded by family, all welcoming him back with open arms when he’d been hit with the Force equivalent of an anguished scream. He had felt pain – Hux’s pain, but not from injury; it was the pain of a heart being broken in two and it had left young Ben doubled over in agony and misery. Their bond was too strong to be severed by anything but death; however, Ben had felt Hux’s block like a door had been shut in his face. After that, he hadn’t felt Hux’s presence again until the day the Resistance had launched their attack on the Finalizer.

Hux’s mind had been on the battle; concentrating on his strategy but somehow, Ben had felt him. From that moment, he fought to get to the damaged battle cruiser; reaching out with the Force in an attempt to pinpoint Hux’s location; hoping he wouldn’t be too late to rescue him. Ben found Hux on the burning bridge; half crushed under the weight of a metal girder; completely unconscious.

Ben had only wanted to save Hux’s life – he hadn’t even given a thought to what would happen afterwards. Hux had immediately been taken from him and restricted to a room that was little more than a cell as he recuperated. Ben had been forbidden to see him until this moment; when he’d immediately leapt at the chance to lead the recapture. It also gave him the chance to be alone with the man he loved for the first time since he’d rescued him.

Alone together in the cell with guards re-posted outside, Ben sat on the floor as he watched Hux pull off his thin, sodden shirt with some difficulty. Blue-purple bruises on creamy white skin covered the entirety of Hux’s left side, betraying the fact that his ribs had been fractured by the steel girder that had trapped him aboard the Finalizer. For a second, Ben thought of offering Hux help with changing but then thought better of it; remembering that day, years ago when he had cleaned up Hux’s cuts from an altercation with a group of cadets who had assaulted him.

The cadets had come off worse, but Hux had been so angry with the young knight’s suggestion that he go teach them a lesson. Hux had argued that such action would undermine him; make him seem weak and unable to fight his own battles. Hux had always despised weakness, especially in himself and so Ben sat quietly and tried not to shiver as the water from his clothes and hair dripped onto the hard, polished floor.

“Do you hate me?” Ben asked suddenly; unable to stand the long, stretching silence any longer.

Hux looked at him, curiously; halting in his slow progress of stripping out of wet clothes.

“Hate you?” he replied. “I don’t know. Perhaps a little, but only for the moment. There are far too many other emotions in play for that to hold primary status.”

Ben looked at his knees.

“I see…”

Hux scoffed lightly and Ben glanced back up as the General sat heavily on the edge of the bed.

“What happened to you?” Hux asked, quietly. “I don’t think I like Ben Solo as much as Kylo Ren. You never used to be this…complacent.”

“Kylo Ren was never real,” Ben murmured with a sad smile. “He was only ever a mask for a confused, lost boy to hide behind.”

Hux gave him a marginal smile before wrapping a scratchy blanket around his own, thin shoulders.

“You could at least get up from that floor,” he said after a moment. “You’ll catch your death of cold.”

“I’m not cold,” Ben replied automatically.

Hux’s eyebrows shot up; his expression, amused.

“Liar,” he murmured. “I can feel the cold seeping into your legs.”

Something about those words rang the bells of familiarity in Ben’s brain; like an echo from years before that he couldn’t quite place. Somehow he couldn’t even bring himself to be annoyed at Hux’s smug smirk as he scrambled up from the floor and moved over to the bed, leaving puddles in his wake.

Ben’s clothes were wet through; layers sticking to each other and to his skin; making him shiver. He couldn’t stop the blush that rose to his face as he stripped off; trying to peel away his jacket and shirt as clinically as possible with Hux’s piercing green eyes watching him; burning into him as he dropped his soaked garments to the floor, one by one.

“Less than 24 hours back together and already you’re trying to get me naked,” Ben joked despite his heated face.

Hux had been staring; eyes riveted to Ben’s body as skin was revealed; scouring every inch of him. Ben was aware that the last time Hux had seen him without clothes, they had been in their teens and Ben had still been growing. Whereas Hux still looked as slim and lean as he ever had, Ben had bulked out; years of training toning his muscles and age broadening his shoulders.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Solo,” Hux replied, quietly as he finally glanced away; hiding a smile.

Hux passed him a second blanket and Ben wasted no time in wrapping it around himself; relishing the warmth of the scratchy wool as he crawled onto the bed, shuffling forward until they were both close enough to touch. His shivering subsided slightly as he looked at Hux’s face – still sharp and pale and angular; the brightness of his hair contrasting wildly with his skin colour; the light dusting of freckles across his face that Ben knew extended down across his chest and peppered the back of Hux’s neck and shoulders. He had spent many hours mapping those freckles in his youth. Ben knew them better than any constellation in the galaxy.

With a sigh, he leaned forward slightly; his forehead gently bumping against Hux’s. Ben let his eyes flutter closed as he drew his blanket tighter around himself and reached out. Once, this would have been easy – the connection between them had remained open, allowing them to communicate no matter how far the distance between them had been. Now all he felt was a block; a large, stubborn wall separating him from what was beneath.

“I can feel you,” Ben whispered. “Let me in.”

Hux leaned heavily against him; letting out a shaky sigh.

“I don’t know if I can,” he replied. “I don’t remember how.”

Relinquishing his hold on his blanket, Ben reached out and held Hux’s face between his hands; ignoring the cold air hitting his shoulders. He could feel it – Hux’s consciousness swirling around behind that block. It hurt that Ben couldn’t reach him, but Hux was the only one who could rightfully open their bond again.

“Yes you do,” Ben murmured. “I feel you - just open up and let me in.”

“Are you not strong enough to do it yourself?”

Hux shifted on the bed, bringing him closer still. His lips brushed against Ben’s; the tip of his nose bumping Ben’s cheek gently. Ben’s eyes fluttered open to find themselves staring into green; dark and fathomless at this distance. He felt his breath catch and the heat from Hux’s body seeping into his own; warming him. What he would have given to know what Hux was thinking at that moment.

“I can,” Ben replied; breathless. “But I won’t do it. Not to you. I won’t force myself into your mind - you need to give it freely…”

His words were cut off as Hux’s lips pressed gently against his; just as soft as he remembered; the same restraint that only barely hid his impatience. Ben barely got the chance to realise he was being kissed before the heavy, barred door on their force block was opened and Ben’s mind was overwhelmed.

He felt pain – the dull, agonizing ache of fractured ribs; the worse, insistent wrenching of a heart being shattered into pieces and never healing properly. He felt cold – both from the temperature of the room and from a dark emptiness that had filled him for years. No...not him, but Hux. This was Hux he was feeling now – all his pain and loneliness from being left alone without a word; the cold and bitterness that had poured in to replace the void Ben had left in his wake. Ben felt the anger and the hate, but also the small spark of hope; the happiness at seeing Ben again; the memory of him; the feel of his skin under Hux’s fingertips; the softness of his lips; the amount that Hux still loved him.

“I’m sorry,” Ben whispered after a while; tears still in his eyes. “I just couldn’t do it…”

“I know,” Hux murmured as he gently pushed Ben’s hair back from his face. “I’m glad you couldn’t. I’m glad you couldn’t do as the Supreme Leader asked and killed the fledgling Jedi. It would have changed you; turned you into…me. I never wanted that for you. I always wanted you to remain as you were; to stay…pure.”

Ben laughed bitterly.

“I was never pure,” he muttered.

Hux only shook his head and leaned back in; pressing their heads together again.

“You were to me,” he replied. “You always had too much good in you.”

Ben closed his eyes and felt the tears roll down his cheeks. All his life it had been like he was being pulled in two directions between dark and light. He had found a balance that he was content with these days, but Ben had only ever felt like himself with Hux. They knew each other – they had always known what the other was and what they’d been capable of doing, but had loved each the all the same. Ben couldn’t lose Hux a second time – he loved him too much for that. He’d find a way to keep Hux alive if it was the last thing he ever did.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Our lovely artist contacted us after they had read the first draft and asked us if we were continuing with this story since they wanted to know what happened to the boys in the end.
> 
> I am happy to say that this story was conceived as a 100k epic and we are definitely writing their story right from beginning to end. Look out for a fix titled 'Generally Captivated' in the near future.


End file.
